Miss Behave's Game Show, Where the Forest Cafe used to be, venue 322, Bristo Place, 10.15

Fuck in a window

'Good evening ladies and Gentlemen, others to the left, I phones to the right, are our instructions upon arrival at venue 322.   Stuck in the middle is Miss. Behave and her glamorous assistant Harriett who cuts about dancing to popular cheese in black leather short shorts, socks, shoes and lipstick.  He's the perfect compliment to Miss. Behave's glamour which can be quite intimidating for someone who's pretty rustic like myself. Me and my cousin (Christine, also sacked from the mumble*see other posts*) are both other's, I with my sony Z1 and her with her Samsung whatever it is.  I'm slightly miffed as they do seem to take better pictures.  Any way this show should be a test of this.  Do other phones have better cameras than the I phone....but what do you do if you don't even have a phone?  Well it would be interesting to know what that 0.00000000001% of the population would have to say about that.

Nike propoganda with Aiden Killian at the Film house  

  

I had started to notice the presence of Miss.  Behave in Edinburgh over a week or so ago.  Somebody had crudely written FUCK on the rubber factory at Fountainbridge with marker pen.  I had then spotted some cardboard box posters stuck up around town in the same style of handwriting so I began to follow the trail of badly pasted posters thinking the same person was the culprit. ( In fact shit...I'll have to go out now and take some pictures of them, its pissing down so brollys up! ....back now ...phew...) My first thoughts were that these crude cardboard scribblings were the outpourings of someone driven to the brink of schizophrenia  through an enforced believe in conspiracy theories or just the plain old simple Great British political establishment lie machine.  The posters just weren't making any sense but then Miss. Behave wouldn't have been the first person to be mistaken for being a few whips short of a basket and I should have just followed the hashtags!  Even Alice would have allowed herself that luxury!  This style of advertising is eyecatching and interesting, it may not be pretty posters but it captured my imagination and thats what good advertising does.

We got into this gig scot-free because we'd been given the password " DIRTY DANCING"by the shows balloon laden flyerer at Bristo Square, we had recognized the hash tag on the balloons.  The last time I had been to a gig in this venue was when it was still the Forest Cafe.  In hindsight I can imagine why it got relocated.  There had been BMX's bouncing about all over the place and as much as I had enjoyed it it must have been doing damage to this beautiful old building.  Miss. Behaves Game show will never do that kind of damage.  Soft items are flung around only....toilet rolls, plastic balls, cocks and dare I say it 2 minges! Yes two of them made an appearance in synchronized format in the form of the The Two Wrongies  Wrong by name wronger by nature.  And they even had proper hair but that was for four nights only, sorry if you missed it folks!

The decor is just more good old cardboard signage everywhere...this is DIY art in action and it looks great.  It's cheap and it's fashionable, the skint artists dream.  You can almost imagine you are at a t.v. show for tramps in a cardboard box.  I like it, its the kind of thing that you do when your skint and you have got to improvise!

 From the outset the crowd are going bonkers, I didn't know what to expect but the guy in front of me had practically got his tackle out already so that gave me a fairly good idea.  I guess most people are drunk by this time. Games include, who's the oldest, who's not had sex, who can tweet fastest, the recycling game.  You'd not be totally stuffed for participation if all you had was an old brick for a phone so don't let it put you off if you do... everyone here is going mad for it.  Its quite literally a non stop roller coaster ride of hysteria that hits you and there's a real sense of comradely within the  teams.  Just at the point that I get up to go buy a drink between us with the last of our change it's the who can drink a

Some impromptu dirty dancing above and me clearly winning
at downing a beer!

pint the fastest round so I'm straight on it. I'm put up against a man who's bigger than me by a long shot and he spilt most of his on the floor but I lost the point for our team as I wasn't up for lapping up what was spilt off the floor.  Yes, believe it or not I actually have standards. Our whole team could see the injustice in that and were like, 'you totally won that' and pats on the back all round.  Nobody really cared about who won after all...then it all went a bit blurry.  Miss. Behave hung around at the end to talk to us all, what a star she is and what a way to just forget everything for an hour. Wow, fun you can actually lose your self in! That doesn't come around very often.

  Miss Behave is a diva and Harriett a Queen but they are not above everyone else.  Miss Behaves taking the piss but for all her glamour she is there with us.  Even the guy who cant stop jumping up with his trousers down is spoken to in a way that respectful, it's a kind of teacher like scold and that's all the guy needs, I guess you don't mess with Miss. Behave. One poignant moment for me was when ,during  the hysteria, Garry Glitter's Leader of the Gang came on and I instinctively buried my head in my cousins armpit...I don't know what happened but I know that when I looked up Miss. Behave was shaking her head and her outstretched pointed finger in a scold, thank fuck she was messing about!  Another prime example of having standards.  You can flash as many bits around as you like, as long as your aim isn't to abuse the innocent or cause harm. The folk who do get up to that 'nonce'nse in entertainment, well, their days are definitely numbered!  This is the kind of comedy that while drawing in people with mainstream interests in  it pushes out the boundaries of what is and isn't acceptable behavior.

      Thanks Miss. Behave, for the show and the free pint.  I'll be back for a fag butt badge when I recouped my finances!